It Never Came

We all believe that we’re right about whatever a situation is and the other person is wrong in whatever wrong we believe they committed.

The thing is, at the end of the day, we all should make peace with the apologies we’ve never gotten. The apology that never comes or you're taking time away from living a life you truly deserve to live, peacefully.

Sometimes we recognize when we’ve done others wrong and fully admit it, but there are other times we may not know it, or just don’t want to admit it. Our ego tells us that we were justified in whatever we did or said. We were right and they were wrong. End of story! 

At that point, we truly aren’t aware of how our actions or behavior affected or hurt another person, it’s not the focus, proving we are right in our actions and words, it the focus. 

The person on the receiving end might feel like it’s incredibly obvious what we did, but we genuinely don’t see what we did wrong or that the way we behaved warrants an apology. This is so common because two people rarely ever see a situation the same way, so what would offend one person often doesn’t offend or bother another.

Accepting responsibility, acknowledging the pain, expressing empathy and remorse, immediately changing behavior and, if appropriate, making amends for the damage caused isn’t an easy pill to swallow. So, instead, you receive a “sorry” tossed out with little thought and nothing to back it up. You hear “I’ll do better” and better never comes. You may even find that in place of an apology, you receive blame and misplaced anger and defensiveness instead of empathy. The apology may be discounted by the excuses that accompany it. You may see an utter lack of understanding at the pain that was inflicted. Or you may just be listening to silence, waiting for an apology that never comes.

Forgiveness is a tricky thing, problematic and complex because we, by nature, are demanding, self-centered, and prideful. I said it! I’ve been in many situations that required forgiveness. Asking for it, giving it when it wasn’t asked for, times where it seemed that an apology wasn’t even considered, and even times when forgiveness wasn’t about the other person at all, but to set myself free. I just gave those words a lot of power. Let’s be real, forgiveness is hard but not impossible, especially when we let go of all the power we give it (pride). Yes, it's even harder when the person who hurt us never says they’re sorry or says it but doesn’t mean it.

Why: Because we want to be heard, we want to be understood, we want our feelings to be acknowledged and that expectancy keeps screaming until it is recognized.

Guess what: we can still forgive them, forgive them for yourself, for your peace.

How do you move forward from the waiting stage of an apology that may likely never come?

Apologies can never undo what was done. You must heal yourself. Once you realize that, it becomes easier to let go of the driving need for acknowledgement and find self-peace. An apology is only required if you give it that kind of power. Take its power away. Someone’s inability to accept responsibility is their problem, not yours. Your healing is your responsibility. When you wait for an apology, you are allowing the person who harmed you to continue to harm you. You’re letting them decide if you get to be okay again. That’s not a decision you want to place in the hands of someone who lacks empathy and courage to admit when they’re wrong.

An apology or a lack of one from another reflects their character, not your worth.

When somebody causes harm, and refuses to accept responsibility, they are telling you who they are, not who you are; they are showing you their shortcomings, not yours.

If this person is still involved in your life and they are unable or unwilling to genuinely apologize, take a good look at your boundaries. Consider if you want someone like this remaining in your life. Stop waiting for an apology that may never come. You owe it to yourself to heal for yourself..